Verses

It is with a certain trepidation that we review Kitchener-Waterloo's fine dining establishment, Verses. We were pleasantly surprised, although not necessarily at the right things.

We were stand-ins for a Chef's Table Tasting Menu, which encompasses at least eight dishes, at our last count, with wine pairings for most. As we benefited from the wine pairings, we cannot be counted on for a full and accurate description of the menu, other than certain Small Exceptions which shall become apparent.

It was as though in a dream that the amuse-bouche appeared and was sent away, only an unpleasant alcoholist haze remaining behind it, the watermelon and seven-year-balsamic vinegar being more than overpowered by the whiskeys and such that were despatched from the gelatin. Not a perfect start.

And less, yet, to follow. A chunk of sea bass, with a tough, rubbery skin. Some vegetable tempura with indifferent dipping sauces. A bit of this, a bit of that. Nothing memorable.

Part of the memory gap is the fault of the chef. She was incoherent, mostly, mumbling her way through a laundry list of ingredients for course after course until we were ready to sub for her -- ah, saffron, yes, and Nova Scotia scallops, thank you, we'll take it from here. Though her guidance was useful now and again, the presentation was without passion or conviction, and was too often lost amid the sounds of other patrons making use of the lavatories.

And then -- the claw.

There will, I propose, be a television drama, whose plot is thus: a lobster threatens all human society; such lobster is captured and dispatched; Our Hero does remove the dispatch'd lobster's claw, poaches it in butter, and serves it on pan-fried sweetbreads with a saffron-carrot reduction.

Or not. The point is, such a dish will serve to satisfy World Peace for the next century or more. For when one desires to explode one's neighbour, one must only think of Course Seven, and say, "while I disagree -- vehemently -- with your point of view, a bit of lobster, poached in butter and served on milk-cleansed, pan-fried thymus glands of a young cow, must absolutely do the trick", the other party must reply, "surely, there will room for us, too", and all will soon be well.

For these were things of beauty and light. Of greatness and stupour. Of perfection and no more.

Oh, to be sure, there were other courses -- an ostrich "main" course with homemade buckwheat fettucine, followed by a happy dessert offering (chocolate phyllo; is there a better combination of words? certainly not coming easily to mind) accompanied by a lively muscat -- but nothing even approached the greatness of the lobster.

So let the call proceed far and wide: we require only this; a claw of lobster, poached delicately in rich creamery butter, served atop sweetbreads fried lightly until crisp.

And, we propose, replace all other menu items with this.

We shall return soon, receive our eight courses of lobster and sweetbreads. Or we shall call our Members of Parliament.

Ye's Sushi - Kitchener

We are not in the habit, pecunious as we are, of frequenting all-one-may-eat establishments. We feel it puts us on the vulgar side of the equation, and the chef and servers on the superior. However, emboldened by reports of its excellent variety and preparation, we determined to visit Ye's Sushi, a new eaterie on the high street in Kitchener.

Upon entry, it was readily apparent that this had once been a diner; the tasteful, minimalist neon signs announcing "Sushi" and "Sashimi" adorned a striking stainless-steel construction that dominated the sushi preparation area in the dining room. However, our party was ushered to a booth table near the kitchen door where the reflection of lights from the stainlessness was not excessively distressing to the eye.

We were presented with menus, and tea; we were warned, too, that lest our table assignation (B5) appear on each and every order dispatched with the wait staff, it would almost certainly go astray. Duly, we ordered a small number of sushi items, and a smaller number of cooked items; these were taken away and the dishes delivered in good time.

We ordered salmon roll, spicy tuna roll, and Ye's roll from the sushi side, and grilled eel on rice, squid tempura, and shrimp tempura on the kitchen side. All were reasonably competent; we were happy to see also that the hot dishes were not exceedingly large, and the grilled eel was quite pleasant. The tempura was unfortunately ill-battered and a little soggy, but -- an extremely nice touch -- the dipping sauce was hot. The maki were competent, though small and not exceptional at all. Ye's roll was an unfortunate combination of mango and surimi crab (surimi, if you're not familiar, being Japanese for "overpriced yet tasteless and fake").

These dishes completed, we determined to exercise the nigiri portion of the menu. We ordered a host of salmon and tuna nigiri, as well as something with the name "sakura lover". We also placed a request for some stir-fried udon; some beef and spring onion rolls; and a seaweed salad.

The udon and beef roll appeared and were consumed with gusto, our appetites being piqued, but not satisfied, by the dishes heretofore. The udon was greasy, and it contained but a single shrimp; the beef rolls did include some enoki mushrooms along with the spring onions, and were quite palatable.

At this point, time, it seemed, stopped.

After a full twenty minutes of waiting, we appealed to our server for any sign of our order. She discovered that our order had disappeared, and asked us to resubmit. After another fifteen minutes or so, we appealed again, and our server promised to take the order directly to the sushi chefs and ensure it was prepared directly. Thus it was a mere fifteen minutes more before we finally received... double our order of nigiri sushi.

Although it was too much food, we completed the meal, as the wait had increased our hunger again. After a small bowl of green tea ice cream, we were finished. Ye's Sushi is well thought out, with appealing portion sizes and good variety at a reasonable price. However, the service must improve for the Droll Bastard's next visit, or he shall express his disenchantment in yet stronger tones.